Non-scientific. Just putting it out there. More so a curious sociological observation.
Ok, guys, we get it. You’re a couple looking for some extra fun on a Saturday night as a local or maybe during your vacation by having a third join you both for some sexcapades. Love it, can get into it, but hang on for a minute.
We’ve apparently come a long way as open relationships have been accepted for years. I’ve had my fair share of mutual fun with couples and am not against it in any way, but of late, it seems like there is something else going on. Basically, are you all ok?
While I was out with some buddies recently one evening, during one of our conversations, generally, about the increase in tourism we have seen with those coming into the region for their holidays this summer, we mentioned how great it is to see people showing up here after the pandemic and enjoying life again.
Naturally, one of the guys brought up the apps like Grindr and Scruff as this time of year as it changes the scene up from the usual round of locals, which is also refreshing.
What came next in the conversation surprised me, as I thought I was the only one that noticed this new phenomenon of sorts pertaining to the amount of couples (again, all good with couples), putting a list of perceived entitled demands of their expectations of others in the profiles.
I kept quiet so that I could hear my friend's conversations about this subject. The consensus was most of the couples were very good-looking, and seemed nice enough but then they would read the long list of expectations in order just to meet them or read about it through chat to perhaps move further, which tended to put most of my friends off a couple altogether.
Is this a new trend?
From what I’ve seen on the apps and from what my friends told me, some of the profiles of the couples would only offer up maybe two or three pics, usually of their chests, sometimes their whole bodies with faces too, so it seemed like what one would expect in a profile.
But then their list would state, that they expected recent photos (understandable), that any action would happen at your place, (ok, cool), but that you are then to supply the booze, drugs (chems), sometimes all types of underwear, leather gear, uniforms, fetish gear, toys, lubes, et al. In a very expected manner and when the time is appropriate for them.
What was really off-putting for my friends, and personally I found a bit one-sided. Was how they then practically detailed and scheduled, if not in their profile, then most definitely in their chat what they expected of you.
Which one will do what with who first, or both at the same time, how long the sex position should take place, who then does whatever next, along with any other number of scenarios they have dreamed up and obviously agreed to amongst themselves without asking what you are into or expect.
Overall, seemingly a high degree of expectations, just for allowing you to come to fulfill their fantasies for the threesome, especially if it is part of their vacation plan.
There seems to be a lot of fantasizing going on, and we all love fantasy but realism in those situations tends to be something else.
We also tended to agree the biggest turn-off was the sense of entitlement on the profiles and how very rarely would there be a question either on the profile or in any of our discussions of what we, as individuals might like in return as our part of the fun.
Of course, this was then on my mind the rest of the week knowing that I wasn’t the only one who noticed what seemed to be going on and I wanted to possibly learn more.
I have read that in the past after a pandemic, history has shown that people, once they get a sense of their freedom again, tend to go all out and there will even be a degree of confusion for the first while, as people navigate and gain control of their lives again and eventually a new balance will be struck, so hopefully, this is one of those cases as the single men and their profiles seem to be more laid back, while it seemed a strong proportion of the couples profiles have increasing become intense.
Of course, since I’m a huge sociology buff. Yet knowing I will probably never get a clear answer, on occasion, while taking the risk of being blocked, I have messaged the couples on the apps gently, out of curiosity, how their list of expectations came about.
There was a mix of those who either ignored the question, answered or asked about something else, or were stunned to even be asked such a thing while stating this was how they assumed things were done from viewing other couple’s profiles, speaking with friends, or in their own country, and usually they had their own agreement put in place beforehand and didn’t think much more about it.
When pressed (again gently) further, do they find their expectations become met? And have there been successes with this method? Obviously, not scientifically, it seemed half said their expectations couldn’t be met and they couldn’t understand why.
Others actually complained to me about the individual they have met up usually not having everything they expected. But are any of us 100% happy with an app hook-up?
They mentioned, for example, no booze and/or bad drugs. Or the person not looking like his profile pics (we’ve all been there) and/or not providing the lubes they liked, etc. Each answer was different and yet still seemed from the couple’s perspective.
I did push it further, which to be honest, did end up getting me blocked more than once - if that mattered, and asked if they too were given a list of expectations to be provided for a party-type atmosphere with them being a couple and that it had to be on the individual’s schedule.
Again they seemed shocked to even be asked that but most admitted they hadn’t thought about it that way while others stated they only generally get asked for more photos.
Some of the men did admit though to being told off in one of those, “Who do you think you are?!” moments. Some of the couples told me they are happy to also share and provide whatever might be needed to make for a fun evening, which was good to hear and should perhaps be mentioned in their profile or chat as well.
Now it seems some couples are looking for a needle in a haystack (so to speak) with a shopping list that needs to be fulfilled in order to meet up, on top of a model face and body.
A friend of mine laughed and said, “They are looking for a unicorn.” While other single men I know have said, “What makes them so special?” And tended to ignore them.
Which, I agree, to each their own, yet for some reason, a fascinating approach to hooking up.
I do think it is part of a healthy relationship, especially an open relationship if scenarios are discussed before any possible encounters.
Maybe it’s a way of protecting themselves? Maybe subconsciously they don’t want to have an open relationship so the expectations are high to make hookups harder to obtain? Maybe they add everything they expect and just hope for the best and still have fun? Maybe they are already in relationship trouble and think a threesome or full-on group sex can make things better? Or maybe, this is just what they consider to be a part of their lifestyle and fun?
There is a lot more I could say about couples and their expectations and what it might all mean but I also feel that I am pushing it with just posting my thoughts on the new dynamics of threesomes of late. And maybe it's not really a trend?
Through all of this, in my opinion, there is no real harm, and it all makes for an interesting discussion. I think people are just excited again to have a sense of freedom again and are not holding back.
I would suggest, no matter where you are if you are a couple, and maybe wondering why you aren’t both generating a lot of attention on your favorite gay hookup app, especially if you are traveling or live locally, go for a more realistic approach, short and sweet.
And even though chatting on an app can feel like a waste of time, it might make things move forward quicker, seem more balanced and bring together a better plan of action for everyone involved which can mean more fun.
I know my gay friends and I in the region love it when new men arrive in town for some both friendship and fun. And we know how some of you are looking to find that special person(s) you can tell stories about later once back home with friends about your European lover(s).
As they say, you’ll get more bees with honey.